Wrestlemania 34

April 8th 2017, New Orleans, Louisiana

- Firstly this has been a disappointing weekend on a gaming level for me, I broke my tablet and thus had to get a new one, not too bad as I had some money spare for Comic Con and luckily the shop had the same type still in, Samsung Tab E represent yo. The problem arose when I got home as the only game/app I pay religiously is Walking Dead Road To Survival, We The People represent yo!, at least I think that's my factions name (not anymore, left them when I went on a brief hiatus joined some other faction left them for FEMA Trailer but recently left to go back to Tic Tic Boom, FEMA is also in dire straights and down to bare bones now) but my game data is linked to my facebook and I couldn't get into that as my account had a text verification set up and I no longer had that number, I never topped it up sop got cut off it, so the security thing to keep people out kept me out and by the time I had recovered the account by sending FB a pic of my birth certificate it was too late and my TWD RTS log in streak was over at 110 days, so I lost the bonus I purchased and the day 7+ prestige but did recover my team and didn't have to start again, phew. Hopefully my first live Mania will save this weekend.

I thought the stage had a giant pineapple until they lit it up and I realised it was a Mardi Gras mask.

IC Title - The Miz (c) Vs. Seth Rollins Vs. Finn Balor
 Miztourage did come out but were sent to the back, to be fair to Miz would you want Axel and Dallas backing you up? Finns out last so will we get The Demon, no. This is the 25th IC Title defence in Mania history. They all trade roll ups early. We see Cena in the audience as he's here as Undertaker didn't answer his challenge, maybe he was watching Superior Donuts and Scorpion? Did you know Mania is free for new subscribers. Finn Vs. Miz for a few minutes then Miz is dumped and Seth is in, nice bit as Seth hits a suicide dive on Finn then runs back in and hits one on Miz on the other side. Seth superkicks Balor but is then DDTd by Miz for 2, had Seth had HBKs boots on on Miz fell with the ferocity of Jake The Snake the match would be over. Cole calls Flair 'The Naitch' who the hell calls him that? Naitch yes but *The* Naitch, if I'd of called him that when I met him he'd of put me in the Figure Four though i'd counter it of course and wait for him to head up top on the nearby table for the bags and thrown him off as he shouted Nooooo, the impact would of course lead to him being busted open and begging off. Nice bit as Miz has the Figure Four on Balor but Seth hits him with a frog splash, they did a finish like that once at Payback where I think Axel pinned Barrett as Miz had the Figure Four on. Rollins superplexes Finn but he small packages Rollins when they land for 2, of course had Seth hit it with the grace of Monsieur Windham it would of gotten 3. Good near fall when Miz gets 2 on Rollins with the Skull Crushing Finale. Miz hits a bulldog/SCF, not sure what it was meant to be, off the top on Seth but Balor breaks it with Coup De Grace. Seth hits the Curb Stomp on his rivals and pins Miz for 3 @ 15:30, Seth is now a Grand Slam Champion. ***1/2 - Fun opener. I am a fan of the champion taking the fall as call me old fashioned but I hate when in multi man matches the champion loses the belt without losing, this is why the mere mention of KOTR 2000 causes me to rip my shirt off Hulk style and cut a beetroot Flair promo on the poor person who mentions it.

Ad plays about Andre The Giant.

SMACKDOWN! Womens Title - Asuka Vs. Charlotte Flair (c)
 Asuka won the inaugural womens royal rumble and chose Charlotte as her opponent. Asuka is also on an undefeated streak. This show is free to new subscribers dont you know. Ugh champion coming out first bugs me. If Charlotte doesnt break the streak where do you go with it? No one on the SMACKDOWN! roster would really seem believable unless they go the cheap cash in route or have Roman dress up and give it to him. Couple of curbstomp style knee drops by Flair but when she goes for a moonsault Asuka catches her in a triangle but that is turned into a Charlotte crab. On the apron now as Asuka suplexes the Champion to the floor. Back in Asuka unloads on Charlotte then hits a missile dropkick for 2. Charlotte, after initially almost losing her balance, busts out the Spanish Fly, or if I continue my gimmick, the American Fly, but it only gets 2. Natural Selection is countered to an armbar style move but thats almost countered to the Figure Eight but Asuka avoids it with kicks. Spear gets the Champion 2 but then she soon applies the Figure Eight and Asuka taps, streak is over @ 13:05. *** Good match but dont bust out the Spanish Fly and not have it as the finish, that move is to hard to pull off for it to be kicked out of. Of course had the spanish fly been done with the lacklustre-ness of Sin Cara it would of got 3, or he wouldnt of held on and just moonsaulted the mat. 

As Charlotte is leaving a ref runs down to tell Cena something and he heads off up the ramp. Maybe Taker had Nikki in a car, Where To Nikki?

US Title - Rusev (w/ Aiden English) Vs. Bobby Roode Vs. Jinder Mahal Vs. Randy Orton (c)
 Never thought i'd type Bobby Roode in a Wrestlemania review unless done as 'man was Bobby rude' when discussing The Brain, then again I never thought i'd type Jinder Mahal in a Mania review either. Aiden appeared on the pre-show with hair but it's shaved here meaning Ed Leslie is possibly backstage thus maybe Hulk Hogan is Brauns partner, then again Hulk probably went to the site of the Silver Dome. Is that Nikolai Volkoff doing Italian commentary? Rusev hits a rolling senton off the apron onto Orton and Mahal. Roode gets 2 off a blockbuster on Rusev, speaking of Blockbuster some Thunder episodes are on the Network, which is showing Mania for free to new subscribers, and I watched the one where Buff breaks his neck, oh mama, it doesnt have the shock of Sids leg but I winced that bad that mine almost went the same as Buffs. Orton gets 2 off a powerslam and a superplex gets the same result, I know it's way too late now but can we stop using a superplex like we would an armdrag please. Rusev stomps a mudhole in Mahal in the corner thus stopping us from ever getting the Russ-In Connection. Draping DDT on Rusev then RKOs for English, Rusev and Mahal, wow RKOs to someone named English, a russian and a man from India Xenophobic much? Roode avoids one, crafty Canadian, and hits the Glorious DDT but Mahal breaks the pin. 'Rusev Day' chant but Mahal soon ends the match with a\ Khallas on Rusev and Jinder is the US Champion @ 8:15. ** - I didnt real feel it you know and Rusev, the most over man in the match and maybe on the roster behind Bryan, taking the loss is saddening especially to blooming Mahal.

HHH/Steph Vs. Angle/Rousey
 Heels should get their comeuppance but where HHH and Steph are involved logic doesn't always enter the fray. HHH and Steph ride bikes to the ring, of the motor variety not bicycles though the latter would of earned this ******* from me, if Meltzer can go six I can go seven. Kurt has his left hand taped. Rousey pays homage to Roddy Piper with her attire. Steph pulls Rousey down by the hair then runs off. We get some tag psychology, which I always appreciate, from The Authority as Steph cheapshots Kurt and also pulls Ronda off the apron so Kurt can't tag her. Hot tag to Ronda and she unloads on Steph in the corner, she goes for an armbar but Steph blocks it, have HHH and Kurt gone to find Cena? Steph is in control. Ronda with a slam but HHH pulls out the ref then pulls out Ronda. Kurt and HHH fight buy announce table as Hunter throws Angle on the SAT. In the ring now as Ronda wants Hunter and pummels him in the corner, did he mention Amanda Nunes? Steph saves HHH from getting slammed. It's now Angle Vs. HHH as Steph posts Ronda ringside but there wasn't any tags. Angle Slam and Pedigree are both avoided but then Angle hits the slam for 2, good nearfall. Oh straps are down, Ankle Lock to Steph but HHH hits the Pedigree however Ronda makes the save. Pedigree is set up on Ronda but she hurricanranas free and applies an armbar which Steph breaks. Armbar to Steph and Ankle Lock to Hunter but HHH rolls through and sends Angle into Ronda. Stereo Pedigrees are blocked as HHH is sent over the top and Steph is put in the armbar and she taps out @ 20:40. **** Four may seem like a slight overration, that a word?, but I feel it's fair as it was better than I thought it would be by far and was laid out fantastically. Fantastic debut for Ronda.

SMACKDOWN! Tag Titles - Usos (c) Vs. The New Day Vs. Bludgeon Brothers
 Kofi and Big E are the in-ring participants for New Day. Bludgeons dominate early with Jimmy being the last non Bludgeon standing. An Uso splashes Harper for 2. Big E tries Big Ending but Rowan breaks it. Harper with a Bossman Slam to Kofi. The legal man seems to be changing without tags. Rowan powerbombs Kofi then Harper powerbombs him off the top Buh Buh style, minus the table, for 3 @ 5:50. ** Essentially an extended squash but that was the right call to get the title reign off to a noteworthy start.

John Cena Vs. The Undertaker 
 Cena's been calling out Taker for weeks but he's never answered or even shown up. Lights go out and it's .... Elias who sings a song as Cena goes back to the audience but he must hit a bum note as Cena comes back and an AA sends Elias out. Cena heads up the ramp then the lights go out and Takers hat, coat and gloves are in the ring after he left them last year following his match with Roman, a lightning bolt strikes and then they're gone. Dong! He's here after all. Taker strikes Cena in the corner. Taker goes old school, snake eyes and big boot. Chokeslam is avoided as Cena hits a back suplex then goes for the 5 Knuckle Shuffle but is freaked out as Taker does his sit up, and Cenas breaking into acting? Chokeslam and Tombstone end the first Cena squash in near fours and the third one since 2003 or so I'd guess. Lasted 2:45 so falls in the UNR category for me, people may talk though in a few years about this Cena squash and Mania is more a moments than matches show.

The HoFers are brought out, it twas this moment I took a toilet break but I hear Kid Rock wasn't brought out.

Daniel Bryan/Shane McMahon Vs. Kevin Owens/Sami Zayn
 If Daniel and Shane win then KO and Zayn are gone from SMACKDOWN! if they lose then KO/Zayn get their jobs back. This is Bryans comeback after injury, I dont care for him but the connection the audience has with him is one of those rare ones. Helluva Kick and an apron powerbomb wipes out Bryan at the start leaving us with a handicap match for the time being but Shane kicks some heavy duty booty until KO takes over and attacks Shane's mid-section, apparently he had a hernia or something prior to this so it makes sense to target the mid-section. Bryan is being checked out as Shane plays McMahon-In-Peril until he hits the Vanterminator or MacTerminator I guess. Frogsplash to Shane but Bryan breaks the pin. Shane makes the tag and Bryan cleans house hitting dropkicks in the corners to Owen and Zayn, watch the landings on that neck man. Hurricanarana off the top to Zayn. Helluva Kick gets 2 after Bryan is distracted by Owens. Pop Up Powerbomb also gets 2. Running Knee and Yes Lock on Zayn earns the win @ 15:25. ** - I just wasn't drawn in and didn't find it interesting. I assumed Zayn and Owens would go to RAW but they had a match on there for a contract which went to a draw, in a segment Kurt mentioned TNA and I read in the comments section on 411 someone say this was due to WWE seeing TNA as a threat!! I didn't know TNA were still going. 

RAW Womens Title - Nia Jax Vs. Alexa Bliss (c) (w/ Mickie James)
 I'd book Nia to squash Alexa out of the proverbial gate. Cole says Bliss has been Champion for 223 days, but she's defended it like 3 times in that span it seems. Nia destroys Mickie pre-match. Nia press slams Alexa and man what a rough landing, she could of done a Sid there. Alexa works the leg, smart move. Nia is outside after missing a corner charge and Alexa hits a Twisted Bliss on her. Alexa has been in control but she moves off and this rejuvenates Nia. Second rope San Diego Drop gets Nia the win @ 10:15. ** To be honest it dragged a bit for me and lost my interest, right result though.

WWE Title - AJ Styles (c) Vs. Shinsuke Nakamura
 This has been built up as a 'Dream Match', I hear they had a corker in Japan. Naka won the Rumble and challenged AJ. Shin blocks a suplex by taking AJ into the corner. Snapmare then a spine kick as AJ is in control. Naka tells AJ to 'Come Onnnnnn' much like Peter Griffin did to congress. Quite the slow plodding match so far, hopefully this is due to it being a long match or it's going to be a disappointment. Styles Clash is avoided and a Phenomenal Forearm is countered with a Landslide for 2. Styles is placed up top but AJ fights free. Calf Crusher is countered to a triangle which AJ eventually counters to a Snow Plow type move. AJ goes for a Styles Clash but his back gives out. Phenomenal Forearm gets 2. Shin gets his knees up to block a 450'. They slug it out in the middle of the ring. Pele Kick by AJ but Shin soon responds with a knee to the bonce for 2. Kinshasa is signalled but AJ counters to Styles Clash for 3 @ 20:20. PM - Naka turns to the dark side with a low blow on AJ. **1/2 - Very disappointing match, I wouldn't necessarily call it bad by any means but the hype for this pay off is disappointing, I've seen the argument that they were holding something back for future matches and that's all well and good but you could still do better than this surely?

Recap of Matt Hardy winning the Andre Battle Royal thanks to Bray, Cedric Alexander winning the Cruiserweight title and Naomi winning the women's battle royal, despite being a face she lay ringside then surprised Bayley to win.

RAW Tag Titles - The Bar (c) Vs. Braun Strowman/?
Brauns mystery partner turns out to be a kid from the crowd called Nicolas. Then again there was a rumour it was going to be Rey and maybe this 10 year old is him in a wig. Braun chokeslams Cesaro but Sheamus breaks the pin. Double crossbody by Braun then he finishes Cesaro with a Powerslam @ 4:00. This show has kind of fell off a cliff since about two hours ago after a very good start. **

Universal Title - Brock Lesnar (c) (w/ Heyman) Vs. Roman Rsigns
Possibly Brocks last WWE match. Brock hits a belly-to-belly on the outside then dumps Reigns on the table in a bit that was rough. In the ring Brock hits two German suplexes and two belly-to-belly suplexes. Cole just called Cena the greatest of all time. Roman survives three F-5s, then is F-5d through a table. A fifth F-5 gets 2. Roman gets 2 off a Spear. Reigns has been busted open and is then pinned after a sixth F-5 @ 15:55. *1/2 - Didnt have the shock of the SummerSlam destruction of Cena nor a big match feel as Brock didn't seem to care and the fans completely turned on the match and played with beach balls or something. If you're going to job Roman in the end then why bury the F-5? Warrior survived all Savages Big Elbows then won, he didn't lose.

24 / 50 - Mania these days is almost more for the moments than the matches and this was kind of lacking on both fronts bar the Ronda match,  the opener was very good but I don't think will be remembered when this card is thought of in a few years.
Seeing Cena get squashed was interesting and who knows maybe we'll get a proper match down the line. The Asuka/Charlotte match was good but the rest was meh, bad, silly or disappointing.
It was a real smorgasbord of stuff and like WrestleMania 18 I really don't know what to think of it as usually I know if I like or dislike something.  Did go way too long though, maybe check out the show then stop after the Ronda/Angle Vs. HHH/Steph match.
Thumbs down I guess but as I said I don't know what to think of this one overall.